Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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