I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
