It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
