i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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