Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I checked into jail on foursquare
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Randomize
