Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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