who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
