I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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