my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
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