I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
