I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
