If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
