that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Your cock deserves a montage
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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