I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
