HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
