My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
