if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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