my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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