totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
