Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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