Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
