I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
