Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Did I show you my penis last night?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
