So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
