No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
