I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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