turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize