DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
