I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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