.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
