Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
