we're blogging at a bar
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Enjoy the penises
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
