if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
