i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
