Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
