I am puke
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
