I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize