i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
