I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
