I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
