Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
