9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize