If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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