Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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