just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
jump out the window naked night went bad
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize