I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Come share oat with me in your robe
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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