We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
