Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
