So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
