i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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