I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
