My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
