my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize