I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
