Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
