I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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