i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
