I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Randomize
