Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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