I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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