How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
