Where is the hickey?
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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