dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
