I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
