Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
