I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
