Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
