hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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