My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
