I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
