Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He better not be in your backpack
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
