He is an equal opportunity slut.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
