I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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