90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
