Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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