Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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