using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
