Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize