i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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