her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
