I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
