I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
