i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
it glows. i had to have it.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
