he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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