just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
