There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize