So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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