So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He passed out mid-signature
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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