On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You made out with two different species that night
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
