Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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