i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
