There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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