I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I know her cup size but not her name....
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
