This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
