I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
