I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize