You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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