i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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