Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I have post one night stand depression
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