but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
