fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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