five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
