He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
