You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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