uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
